Choosing Gratitude

Hello all! Sorry it's been so long since my last post; it's taken me awhile to get my feet under me the last few weeks. We've had good news but I think Chris and I are just coming out of post-adoption shock or adjustment or something.

For the good news--two weeks ago we had our follow-up visit to the Int'l Adoption Clinic. This is where they did developmental assessment and helped us know where to focus our parentherapy efforts. Here's the miracle: ALL the tests are back now and she's negative for everything! Praise God! Developmentally, they were amazed at her emotional and intellectual progress. She grew the most in her head--literally--and is catching up to the size for her age (her head)quite rapidly. She knows about 20 signs now and amazes us with how much she understands and communicates without clear verbal language. She is learning to trust us and they stressed that with a child who's had such extreme deprivation, they would not expect her to have come so far at this point. For that, we are VERY grateful!! Physically, they were not displeased, but stressed that we have a long way to go. We focused on things we can do to help her get used to the crawl position with the OT. She HATES it all, so that has not been fun. The pediatrician was hoping she would have gained more weight and asked if we could get her to eat more!! So, leaving the office we should have felt great, right???

The funny thing is that the days after the clinic visit were some of the hardest we've had! I think that this is for several reasons. First, I think we were under spiritual attack. I agree with one author I read on adoption that adoption is war. The defenseless and fatherless are at the center of God's heart and when we help them, we are in the enemy's path. I think satan didn't want us to have any victory from the good clinic visit. I also think that we were finally able to let go of our concern that something major was physically wrong with Brenna, and when we did, the grief set in quite strongly. The fact that our daughter was in such a neglected, deprived state for so long is just horrifying. It is a tangible, visible reminder of what sin looks like--that we have so many resources in the church yet we don't share them or give sacrificially. When did the church get so apathetic (me included)? My daughter challenges me to live on a grander yet simpler scale. Grander in view of eternally and simpler in terms of materially...I'm struggling to stay in tune with what more God has for me. Also, we have put a lot of pressure on ourselves to try and get her stronger/crawling as well as to eat more. This is quite frustrating b/c she's now a picky eater!! But we got her weighed yesterday and she jumped to 17.4 pounds from 16.5 at the clinic two weeks ago!

So, to the title, choosing gratitude...this is how I'm surviving the mundane of raising two kids, one who is very special needs right now. This is how I'm staying SANE. This is how I'm staying aware of God's intimate presence in my life. By choosing to be thankful each day for things, I'm trying to keep track of God's big plans for our lives. I'm trying to cultivate a joyous home for Micah, Brenna, and Chris. Because, let me be frank, I know that there are some who are truly designed to be full-time moms who work at home. For me, I need some work outside the home and more time with friends and family to match the shape God's given me. So this time has been harder than just about anything I've ever done. But I am so aware and at peace that I am doing exactly what my family needs right now and what God would have me to do.

So here's what I'm grateful for: that Brenna is here with us finally, that Micah loves Brenna now, that Brenna has no parasite, that Chris has a good job, that Chris and I celebrated our 12th anniversary (happily!), for amazing friends who don't understand but listen without judgement or hollow/trite advice, for chocolate, for cooler weather coming, for how God is transforming me, for God's PERFECT timing, for pretty good health for my Crohn's, for the amazing Int'l Adoption Clinic here and there staff, for two cars that are old but running, for a house that is easy to clean and childproof, for a wonderful church, for Chris who keeps trying to understand me even when I'm ridiculous and unfair, for my wonderful mom and all her compassion and help, for my wonderful mother-in-law and her help, for my precious, precious children...

I could go on but I'll stop. That's what's in my heart right now. What I'd love to know is what you're grateful for! Post a comment or shoot me an email to tell me what God has done for you.