Is smoke coming out of my ears?

I recently shared with a friend that lately I feel like smoke is pouring out of my ears as my brain stays in overdrive! All of my anticipated plans for the next two years have been drastically changed with the news of our adoption likely to happen very soon. See, I'm a "J" on the Myers-Briggs--you know, a planner. Now, I can be as flexible as the next person as long as I plan for flexibility. This is actually what got me through the adoption process for so long. But something happened over the last year or so and I got comfortable in my planning again. I expeted Micah to be about 3 when we got Brenna, so he would most likely be potty-trained and out of his crib; I expected our house to be sold and that we'd be settled into a new house; I expected to be in better shape; I expected to be, more ready, I guess; I expected to have traveled overseas this year for missions; I expected to have more of an interim time before baby-dom began again.... I expected, and I was wrong!


Frankly, that's a bit hard for me to handle on some days. So I make lists and more lists on notepads all over the house. I email anyone I know that has adopted from China or knows someone who has and ask them all sorts of questions. I wake up at 2 am as if it were 7, my mind racing with thoughts of Micah's passport and shots and what he will eat in his picky toddler stage in China. I wonder where we will put the overflowing furniture that we now need to move to make room for Brenna's bed. I wonder if I am ready to be a mom again. I wonder if my son is ready to be a big brother....I could go on and on but that might make smoke come out of your ears!

With all of that said, when I allow myself to stop and pause and to think about some major truths in the midst of all of this, a strange peace falls upon me. God knows the personality He gave me. He knows my need for order and that we were going to be surprised by how soon our daughter would be coming home. So, He watched as we got our house ready to put on the market, realizing that we were getting ready for something else. He listened to me tell Him that I was ready for some sort of challenge in my life and knew the answer was coming. He listened as I prayed, for the first time in a year, wondering if my daughter had been born or not and asking Him to whisper to her heart that we love her, want her, and are coming to get her--ONE WEEK BEFORE we found out she was coming so soon, and that yes, she's most certainly been born!


God is good. He takes care of us with a delicate balance of teaching us to love who He has made us to be while surrendering ourselves completely to His transformation.


The next time I feel like smoke is coming out of my ears, I will choose to laugh or cry as I remember that He knows the plans He has for me--plans for a hope and a future!