Red Threads, Red Tape, and Red Letters

Red Threads: There is an old Chinese proverb that has been embraced by families with children adopted from China: "An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break." Now, the difference for me and my family is that we don't believe in destiny or fate but in a caring, loving God of eternal connections. We have been waiting for so long to know who our daughter is, and we finally do! We got her information last Monday and finally saw her precious face on Tuesday. After much prayer and deep examination of our hearts before God, we are sure that we are the family for her and that she's our girl! It's so awesome to finally be at this point in the process and to think we're one step closer to bringing her home. Last week a dear Chinese friend of mine helped us look at the name she was given at the orphanage. She helped us to figure out which characters in her name are normal for Chinese names as well as the meanings of them. We decided not to keep one character because it means city and is masculine sounding. The other two characters are going to be her middle name. Shao means beautiful and Hui means mercy as well as a reference to her city, Huizhou. So her name can mean beautiful mercy or beauty from Huizhou. Her full name is Brenna Shao Hui Snow. As you can see from her picture, she has big eyes and is in fact nick-named big-eyed girl by her nannies and other kids. She's timid and shy but loves to be cuddled. We can't wait to go get her as soon as possible. We are waiting on several things--

Red Tape: In order to have a biological child, well, there's not much to it as far as approval or paperwork goes--at least not in this country. Having an adopted child, however, requires an unbelievable amount of paperwork, fingerprints, physical examinations, references, financial screening, background checks, educational requirements, numerous governmental and adoption agencies, homestudies, etc, etc... You get the picture. Now, part of this process is good--great even--for preparing people for parenthood. But a lot of it seems to prolong the separation of parents from children and children from parents...that's just my humble opinion as it is...

At this point, we have been matched with our daughter but we still wait...we wait for travel clearance (3-8 weeks), we wait for her to be processed (3-5 weeks), we wait for a US Consulate appointment, and we now wait for an updated home study to be processed and new immigration clearnance, something we just found out that we have to do today. The timing on those last two is unknown. Today the wait is hard--the hardest it's ever been. As I cried out to God asking why and doesn't He know our daughter needs us, He reminded me that it's HIM we must trust, not some process or red tape. We ask God to work through, around, above, beyond, in spite of and because of, this red tape, to bring our daughter home.

Red Letters: These last two weeks as we've continued to experience the huge highs and lows on the adoption roller-coaster, God has clearly shown me that it is only through His strength, courage, love, and grace that we will make it. As I read His word, I can find trust in Him, new lessons worth learning as we wait, and the emotional balance I need to get through it all--the peace that passes my understanding. It's only through His words--His red letters--that I can ever see this journey as I should. Thank you all for your support and love--God uses your words, too!

Referral!!!!!!

This won't be long since I'm extremely exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed, but we got a phone call today at around 1 pm letting us know that we've been matched with a precious girl! We have very minimal information since we're waiting for the file to be translated; we haven't even seen pics yet!! Our case worker said they have 3 pics and "she's beautiful"!! Here is her info:
Name: Chengshao Hui
DOB: January 3, 2009
Province: Guangdong
Micah and his sister are only 8 months apart, so they will be great playmates one day! Once we get the full translated file, we'll know more about her history. We should officially accept her as our referral in a few days--I'll post pics then! Hopefully, we'll travel in 6-8 weeks to bring her home!!!! I still can't believe that after 4 years of waiting, we are finally getting closer to our girl. I hope to sleep, but imagine I'll happily stay up and read or paint her room if I can't!!!

The Blessings of Waiting

I never thought I would ever write the word blessing in relation to waiting for my daughter, but I'm coming to realize that the pain and hope that I feel and have felt the past 4 years as we've waited on our girl, mirror the pain and hope we feel as we live as immigrants in a world that is not our home. This truth struck me last night at a concert I went to.

David Wilcox, singer/songwriter, has written music that has touched me, fed me, challenged me, angered me, and humored me over the last 15 years. Each time I hear him in person, God meets me through the art and authenticity that he offers through song. Last night I felt like he was writing about my journey over the last few years. I could go on and on about the different things the Spirit stirred up in me at the concert, but only one relates to what I'm talking about here.

The last song of the night, "Open Hand," is about the angst we often feel as humans in that we feel such hope and longing for a better world, a better life, a better something, yet it is in this world filled with suffering and pain and heartbreak where we must prepare for the Hope yet to come. It feels so completely wrong and unnatural to have hearts that are so open to love and hope in a world that constantly disappoints and destroys, but it's actually the way it's supposed to be. Last night Dave (Chris and I call him "Dave" as if we know him) asked us what we are longing for, what we painfully hope for, and my heart cried out for Brenna.

For four years, we have held onto the thread of hope that is our daughter. We have experienced heart-break after heart-break and disappointment beyond our ability to bear or understand. YET (and there's always a yet when it comes to Jesus!) we have kept hoping. Not only have we kept hoping in spite of the pain, but that hope grew and overflowed into love for each other, our precious son, and a drive to fight for all hurting children. I believe now that the blessing in the waiting has been this evidence--this proof--of God's presence in our lives. He took the pain and turned it into some very beautiful things. I never would have chosen to wait 4 years, but I have had to pry open my hand filled with my way, my plans, and surrender to His...and found more hope to keep going.

Even as I write this, I feel fear and anxiety in relaxing into the hope that we may hold our precious daughter very soon. But what's the alternative? Close off my heart? Ignore my feelings? Ignore my longing and hope by doing other things? No--instead I'll give into the Hope and by God's grace, if I must feel pain again in this waiting, then I trust He'll turn it into another blessing.

From "Open Hand" by David Wilcox
She can feel that wind right now, wash away her tracks and plans
If you really want to live this life, gotta hold it with an open hand